Their beginning quests were … not what I had expected at all. There was lots of running around committing hit-and-runs on looters, stealing, lots of chaos, and … picking up things for your significant other’s party. (Yeah, I don’t know either, it was weird.) The brief focus on your in-game relationship just rubs me the wrong way, for a few reasons.
At the start of one of the quests, your S.O. tells you to run out and get a few things for the party. As part of the quest description, regardless of which gender your character is, you get: “Make sure you pull plenty of moolah out of the bank. I don't want you buying any of that cheap clothing you usually like to wear. This party's important!” Well, that’s nice. It’s great to know that my boy-/girlfriend thinks that I don’t dress well.
Candy Cane in a 'tasteful' costumeAnyway. You go and have your party (which is crashed by pirates or something just to keep your interest), and your partner breaks up with you for an NPC (named Candy Cane if you’re playing a female, Chip Endale if you’re playing a male). Can’t say I cared much, since I didn’t like the former boyfriend anyway. (Seriously, if you hate on my clothes, you’re dead to me.)
Then there’s more chaos and something blows up — I got bored of it after a while, to be honest — and the Goblins end up on the beach on an island somewhere. It was nice to be in a new environment that wasn’t chock full of cars with blaring horns and weird mini-freeways. The island was a neat place to explore, until I hit level 11 and I picked up this quest: What Kind of Name is Candy, Anyway? (Spoiler: It was previously called Kill Candy Cane, if my internet snooping and a number of broken links are to be believed.)
I read the quest description and I’m pretty sure I had my head tilted past 45° with a look of disbelief on my face. This part is a little confusing, because while I was researching this quest, I found out that there is another quest that is very similar, so I’m not sure if it was removed, or if this quest replaced it, or what happened. In this particular quest (She Loves Me, She Loves Me NOT!), you are ‘just’ required to kill Candy Cane. In the male version of the quest, you still kill her, but you rip her heart out afterwards.
Doesn’t that just make you think of sunshine and puppies?
(EDIT: Upon further investigation, I found that male characters have their own version of that quest as well.)
Chip Endale before he gets smooshedWhat I find irksome about these quests is that there’s really no other way to see them (at least, none that have come to me in the past month) than this: A significant other dumped you and shacked up with someone else, so you go and kill their new partner. Eliminate the competition. Get rid of the thing your former partner thought was better than you.
It’s really creepy.
When I was initially explaining to someone why these quests bothered me, I was told that it was just a show of how brutal the goblin culture is; they don’t take crap from anyone, they put up with nothing, and they’re tough, so they do what they want. I don’t think that’s an acceptable work-around for depicting this kind of relationship-related violence. Considering that domestic abuse and related violence is a huge problem in many countries, a gaming company with millions of customers making light of it in this manner makes me really uncomfortable.
Another thing that bothers me is that Candy says some interesting things to you, both before the quest is accepted and during the battle. Here’s a list of things she says:
To males:
- “How can you even go OUT like that? What, did you just wash up on a beach somewhere?!”
- “I spent most of your money on getting a decent massage, goodness knows you could never do it right!”
- “I've met cabin boys who were manlier than you. To think I ever wasted my time...”
- “You always secretly thought I looked fat!”
- “You never tried to get anywhere. I'm so glad I finally found a real goblin who can satisfy my shopping needs.”
- “You're just jealous I found a man with skills AND a fat wallet.”
- “You told him I was fat behind my back, didn't you?!”
To females:
- “You can never replace me. Chip will never stoop to dating someone who makes a brute look attractive!”
What we have here, surprise surprise, is an antagonized female character who taunts a male player by attacking his appearance and his masculinity, talks about shopping and money, and accuses him of thinking she looks fat. How original, right? EDIT: We also have this character attempting to degrade another female by saying she's ugly. Also unoriginal.
Now, if we look at what Chip says, in comparison: “I can't believe you'd do this to me!”
Just disbelief. That’s all. I’m actually a little surprised that there were no quotes floating around hinting at promiscuity or appearance. EDIT: Or questioning his opponent's masculinity or sexuality. I guess if there’s anything positive about these quests, that would be it right there.
Oh, and as a reward for killing either one of these delightful NPCs, what do you get? ‘Ex-Stealer’s Gloves’, a ‘Fickle Belt’ and a dagger called ‘Jealousy’s Edge’. Classy, Blizzard. Reeeeal classy.
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